subtle but important

I just got home from a bus ride down from Gulu, and since my friends and I boarded the bus as it was pulling away from the bus-park, we did not have the pleasure of sitting together on the 5 hour trek back to Kampala. That being said, I had plenty of time for day dreaming and reflection about the weekend, conversations had, and recent experiences in Uganda.

I had a conversation with some friends while making dinner about how subtle, seemingly small cultural differences can actually have large implications. Language is one of those things. Even though English is spoken in Uganda and all of the Sseko-girls speak it fluently, I still tend to run into language barrier issues.

One of the biggest sources of frustration has become the lack of the word "please" in Ugandan English. I've been told that in African languages spoken here, the please is often implied with the tone, not as a spoken word, and that many sentences are said in a command form. It also might just be the case that growing up in a Southern home of yes-ma'ams and yes-sir's and thank you's and pleases has made me more sensitive to the lack of what I consider to be polite language. I get a lot of "You come here!" and "Bring that for me!" instead of "Come here, please" or even "Would you bring that for me?" The difference is important to me (and I think many Americans) because it ends up being a respect issue.

I was talking with some friends who work for similar socially-minded companies this past weekend about it, and the way that some of the women who work for us talk when they address us. Our initial reaction when some one tells me something in a command form is "who does she think she is?!" I feel bossed around and disrespected... But its pretty likely that this woman has no idea that I feel this way, because she thought she was being perfectly polite because before demanding something of me, she called me "Aunie Cameron." It's very important here to address "big" (ie important/respected) people appropriately... So I've come to regard the auntie thing sort of like an African "yes ma'am." They soften their speech with that form of respect instead of the one I'm used to. It still sounds harsh to my ears sometimes, but I'm trying to get used to and remember that recognizing this will keep me from taking unneeded offense.

And this is the case in other languages as well... when things are said in a different way that changes the connotation. For example, when living in Spain I realized that when people were explaining how a glass broke they said that it fell out of their hand, instead of saying they dropped it. My perception of this language difference is that it's shifting blame from the person to the glass.... but I don't think that is necessarily the case. Just because a Spaniard says it that way doesn't mean they are trying to shirk responsibility for the broken glass and say "Yeah, I don't know what happened... It just jumped out of my hand!" That may seem like a silly example, but I was reminded of it during our conversation last night... because the issue of language and connotation and intention seemed similar.

Whether something seems rude or irresponsible, sometimes its just a matter of understanding that you're speaking different languages... even when the language being spoken is English! And this has been an important lesson learned for many of us ex-pats.