the goodbyes

Goodbyes are never fun... Especially when you've been somewhere for awhile. So I have a tendency to pretend that they aren't happening. And for the most part the whole denial-thing works.... That is until it actually comes down to the moment when you have to say goodbye.

The day I left Uganda, I had a farewell lunch with the Sseko ladies. In Ugandan tradition, they each stood up and gave little speeches about me.... about how much they loved me, what they have learned from me, wishing me a safe journey.... there were some tears.... honestly, it was little bit like being at your own funeral.

So many nice things were said.... As each girl got up I was alternating between laughing and crying. I think the comment I will always remember during those speeches was from Agnes. She said that I was "like a black woman and a white woman"... That I could work on the computer and manage and coordinate, but I also wasn't afraid to work with my hands or lift heavy things or carry bags a long way through the market. Having an African woman say that was such a huge compliment.

It was so special hearing from those women, because they were the reason I was in Uganda. Loving and serving and managing and learning from those women... Over the past year and a half we changed each other for the better.

And luckily I left the Sseko workshop on a happy note. I got group pictures with all the ladies... was tackled by all 25 of them.... and before I knew it they had lifted me off my feet, all of us laughing and cheering. A moment I'll never forget.

It was good for me to have some finality with the Sseko women... To recognize that me leaving was really happening... Because I didn't really do that with anyone else, to be honest. I just pretended like I wasn't leaving... even on the ride to the airport. My wonderful roommates rode out with me, and during the hour and a half drive we were chatting and joking- completely lighthearted. Then I got out of the car with my luggage, hugged Dani, Julie and Kelsey, and waved as I walked through security. And just like that I was gone. Up until the last hug and wave, we hadn't acknowledged or acted like I was leaving.... and with them, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I wanted my memories with them to be of the normal moments.

But I did end up crying in the airport after I got through security.... I made the mistake of reading the letters the Sseko ladies had written for me. I looked like such a mess.... sitting there waiting for my flight to be called with tears streaming down my face. I always wonder what people are crying about when I see them sobbing at the airport.... and in that moment I was the girl that I would have been speculating about. But thankfully I pulled myself together and stopped crying before I boarded the plane, saving the boy sitting in seat 16F from a very awkward 8 hour flight.

I haven't even been back in the States a whole 24 hours yet, and I already miss work, and the Sseko ladies, and my roommates, and the rest of my Ugandan community.... I think the reality that I'm living in American again (not just visiting) and that my time in Uganda is officially over will set in pretty slowly. This isn't a two week trip back for a wedding or Christmas, its a move.

So farewell, Uganda... and hello, America.