singles-awareness

On Friday, before the hour of 10:00am, I had already been asked twice why I was unmarried and childless.

First it was a woman I was talking with about my plans to move back to the States... she asked if I was moving back to get married. After answering "no," she proceeded to tell me that she had a daughter my age who just got married and that for her boys it was fine for them to wait, but for girls... well... and then she kind of trailed off and gave me a knowing glance.

Then I went for a business meeting with a man who worked at a government office downtown. While we were waiting for his secretary to print off some papers, he asks me if I'm married. After hearing my negative response, he says- what about children? I say that I'm waiting until I'm married to have children, and then he gives me a glance over and tells me that its best to have children while I'm still young. {Just to reemphasize, this was a professional meeting.} I'm pretty sure in the US that would qualify as sexual harassment, while in Uganda its just a conversation starter.

Now don't get me wrong, I want to get married and have children. I'm all for it. But it seems that in Uganda its all that's expected of women. And that somehow I'm not a "woman" because I'm single and childless.... And professionally, I'm not taken seriously.

There are plenty of women's issues that I could talk about that go on in Uganda.... like how its not uncommon for husbands to beat their wives, or how the girl is often the one shamed when an unwanted pregnancy occurs out of wedlock, or how a widow's property can be confiscated after her husband dies... I could go off on a tangent about any of those issues. But its the constant conversations like the ones I had on Friday that are examples of the small way that I'm personally most effected by the male dominated culture here.

It makes me thankful in a way I've never been before for the way that women are treated in the US. I know its not perfect, but we have rights and opportunities and fewer prejudices to overcome than women living in Uganda.

Even on the streets in America, I feel infinitely more respected. You might get a whistle from a passing car once in a blue moon, but most places I've traveled outside the US the catcalling is so much more abrasive. In Italy I didn't mind it so much, because "Ciao bella!" feels more like a compliment... In Spain it was "Eeehhhh guapa!" in a guttural growling sort of voice- not my favorite. But I think the common Ugandan catcall "Just my size!" takes the cake for most objectifying. Its things like this that make me grateful for things I didn't even recognize about daily life in the States. Maybe there are deeper rooted women's issues that we still need to work out in the US, but at least I can walk down the street in peace.

All that to say, even though my patience for these singles-awareness encounters often runs out, I am thankful for the opportunity to show them something different.... To be a young woman who moved to a foreign country alone, to work for a company she was passionate about. I'm not naive enough to think that I'm going to play much of a part in changing stereotypes or cultural norms in Uganda, but I do hope that more and more young women here can be taken seriously and feel valued in society.